As we approach the end of The Pandemic - Season Three, it's time to recap the highlights. I'm sure you missed the last few episodes of Season Three. I know this because they're stuck in my head. Well, now my head is exploding. I need to make room for more autumnal adventures….
The Pandemic did not slow down the Orient Fire Department. COVID concerns and precautions were heightened. The powers-that-be (PTB) implemented the strictest interpretation of PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) requirements. Now, you might think, "Okay, that seems reasonable," but then there is the Mask Fit Test.
Firefighters must wear face masks that tightly seal against the flesh.
FUN FACT: For supplemental air, firemen use an “S.C.B.A." This acronym stands for Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus. S.C.U.B.A. means “Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.”
In a fire, firemen wear SCBAs for additional Oxygen and to keep poisonous fumes out of their lungs. Who could argue with that? EMTs like me do not enter burning buildings. We run away from dangerous fumes and hide in our ambulances. No matter. This year, the PTB required us to pass the Mask Fit Test.
FUN FACT: You cannot pass a Mask Fit Test with facial hair. I've had my beard for, well, forever…. My dogs have never seen me cleanshaven. My wife has never seen me cleanshaven.
I joined Harry's Shave Club. A few days later, I held a razor in my hand for the first time in 30+ years.
When the bleeding stopped, the scabs dropped off, and the scar tissues thickened, I felt prepared for my Mask Fit Test.
A sunny technician fastened a snug turquoise N95 mask over my nose and mouth, then dropped a huge yellow bag over my upper body.
"Now, let me know if you smell anything," she asked as she squirted a reputedly acrid substance into a port on the giant bag. I could not smell or taste it.
"Is that it?" I asked. Naively.
She sprayed again.
"Now, I want you to run in place for a minute, then bend at the knees and waist for another minute."
Okay, those simple exercises are not so strenuous, but the tightened turquoise N95 made maintaining the seal while inhaling and exhaling surprisingly difficult.
More spray. She held up a laminated placard.
"Now, I want you to read this to me."
It was something about rainbows, ice crystals, and cloud formation.
I passed the test without tasting the bitter formulas from her spray bottle.
So, I asked, "Why do EMTs now have to take this test? We are not exposed to toxic fumes? "
"It's for the Death Benefit," she explained.
"The what?"
She continued without irony, I might add.
“As a volunteer, NY State offers a survivor Fireman's Death Benefit should you perish while on active duty. If you were to perish, the state would perform an autopsy. They’ll examine your blood gasses. Those results would indicate if you were exposed to dangerous fire-related chemical fumes. If those chemicals were in your lungs, it would suggest that you were not wearing your properly fitted and sealed mask. If you were not wearing your properly fitted and sealed mask, the state would deny your death benefit to your widow.
I had to know….
"How much are we talking about here?
"The death benefit is $10,000. I'm not sure if that's tax-free, but I can find out for you if you like."
I canceled my subscription to Harry's Shave Club.
I adore you! I remember you clean-shaven and you have a very handsome face much love to you and Leslie nice to hear from you again and nice to see your face
I've had so much toxicology training with Monona Rossol that you know I know all about fit testing and that facial hair is a no no; and I totally agree with your decision!!